Roasted Veggie Mac & Upcoming Topics

Here is a Yummylicious recipe that our family loves! This can be a meal on it's own or a side dish to a meat (like baked chicken, grilled pork chops, etc).

             Roasted Veggie Mac N Cheese

For a 9x13 size baking dish, follow recipe. To make smaller, divide in half.

2 small/medium sized Yellow Squash, chopped

1 Cup diced carrots

1 Cup chopped broccoli

1 Red Bell pepper, chopped

2 Tbsp Olive Oil (not EVOO)

salt/pepper

12oz Pasta of your choice (shells, elbows, penne)

1/4 cup Olive Oil (or butter)

1/4 cup Flour

1 1/2 cups Milk

1/2 Cup Chicken Stock

1tsp Salt

1/2 tsp Black Pepper

1/2 tsp Ground Mustard

12 oz cheese (I mix Sharp Cheddars with Mild Cheddar)
1. Dice up veggies, toss in 2 Tbsp Olive Oil, season with salt/pepper, lay evenly on pan and roast in oven at 350degrees for 30minutes.

2. Boil a pot of water and add a 12oz box of pasta (we either do elbows or shells). Cook til done.
3. While pasta is boiling, make cheese sauce. Start with saucepan on medium heat and add 1/4cup olive oil (or butter)...when heated add 1/4 cup flour. Whisk together and cook for 1min. Add milk + chicken stock + 1tsp salt + 1/2tsp pepper + 1/2tsp ground mustard. Whisk together well and cook at medium heat until thickened (light simmer, NOT boiling). Remove from heat, let stand for a minute, and little by little gently stir in cheeses until melted. NOTE: do not add cheese to visibly simmering sauce because the cheese will curdle!
4. Pour cheer sauce over Cooked and drained pasta. Stir to mix. Then add roasted veggies and stir to mix.

5. Serve!

A More Personal Story to Share

Anyone who knows us well, knows the battles we've had with SB over the course of the past 3 1/2 years. Basically from the time he was 2 weeks old until the present. Although it's a personal story, I would like to share it so that I could possibly help anyone in the same position and educate those parents who may be confused by the misinformation that is out there.

On a beautiful summer day in 2009, our SB was born 3 weeks early. Weighing 6 pounds 13.8 ounces and 20.5 inches long. He was in the 50th percentile and 100% healthy. The first 2 weeks were perfect and seemed to be going very smoothly.

I had every intention to long-term breastfeed. I never even let the words "formula" come out of my mouth. Those were disgusting words to me, and I could do better than that. Well, 13 days after his birth I had horribly cracked and bleeding nipples; which led to mastitis forming (and now I know that if I would've had a better support group and better LLC's I could've kept breastfeeding; but that's a whole other blog post). After pumping an entire bottle of blood one night, I decided that I had to stop breastfeeding. I went to the doctor for meds and started SB on formula right away. I felt AWFUL for doing this. I had read all the research possible on the benefits of breastfeeding and the nasty ingredients in formula. But now I was feeding my precious newborn the nasty chemical-filled concoction. I felt I had no other options, and after all, the doctor stood behind my decision.

**Let me clarify that I'm not dissing on people who formula feed. But I think everyone out there deserves to know about the struggles and complications that can come from it. Education is the key to everything. Do your own research and have peace of mind about what you choose to do. And if your gut is pulling you somewhere, trust in it! Motherly instincts are there for a reason!**

Two days into formula feeding I saw the first signs of how awful formula was for SB. My son was horribly constipated; whereas prior to this he was the standard breast milk pooper and a champ at it. I called his doctor (one of a million phone calls I made) and she informed me that switching to formula would cause this and it's normal. I was appalled, but felt I couldn't do anything about it and would just deal with it. After SB not having a bm (bowel movement) for 7 days, we took him into the doctor. What they did was horrible and caused me pain to watch. They had to physically pull the bm out. They then had us switch formulas, and warned that every time we switched he would get constipated, but that it would regulate; it was just the 'norm'.  They instructed us to use suppositories to help him so they wouldn't have to physically pull the bm out again. We basically had to use one suppository every other day. It was horrid, but we had to do it. They also suggested that we try diluted fruit juice; because it would cause cramps and those cramps were supposed to push the bm out.

Yes, I was instructed to induce intestinal cramping on my newborn to help him pass a bm. For those of you who didn't know that's what fruit juice does and why it's so widely used to make a kid poop, here's something for you to read: 

"Other laxatives work by fermenting sugars and producing gas. These include apple juice, lactulose and maltsupex. These are not very good treatments, because they may cause gas cramps." 
Childhood Constipation (Check the link out if you have a child suffering from the same thing. Lots of good information there).
Yes it is safe, but I'm not comfortable giving my newborn/infant/child something that I know causes intestinal cramping, because I personally know how that feels and it can hurt. I don't want to do anything that intentionally causes my child pain.

While all of the bm issues were going on, we also noticed he had refluxing symptoms. The doctor put him on Prevacid. And at the same time we were also instructed to add cereal to his bottles to help him hold down the formula, because he was projectile vomiting frequently due to the reflux. So we began adding rice cereal to his bottles. Cereal constipates, and rice is the worst of them. So, the doctor then had us add Miralax to his bottles to help relieve his constipation.

So let me make this clear to you: By the time he was 3 months old, he was on formula, he was taking Prevacid for reflux, he had added-cereal to his bottles to help hold his formula down, and he was taking Miralax to help relieve his chronic constipation...and when Miralax wasn't working we would use physical stimulation or suppositories to assist in a bm.

Doesn't that seem like a lot for a 3 month old?

At the same time, and what went unnoticed as the beginning of his long-term issues, was the fact that he could never consume much formula at once. The largest of his bottles were 4oz...and it took him a while to finish them; if he could even finish them. I think there were maybe 2 times he drank a 6oz bottle. People would make comments like "that's a small bottle for a 6-9 month old" and I thought they were crazy. I knew no different. He had always been on the low-end of the normal when it came to food intake. Plus, at 4 months old, per the doctor's suggestion, we had started him on spoon-fed meals in addition to his formula bottles...maybe he just wasn't as hungry for formula anymore. We were doing what the doctor told us to do for a formula-fed baby, and I was confident we were doing the right thing.

What also was happening at the same time as the above mentioned, was the fact that his percentiles were slowly dropping. He went from the 50th percentiles, to the 25th percentiles by the time he was 6 months. But this was pushed aside as him taking after myself and being petite. Plus, most kids drop percentiles after birth during their first year of life. At 6 months old we were able to wean him from his reflux medicine, as it seemed he no longer had that issue. So yayyyy, we were down one problem!

His constipation was still an issue, and the doctor wanted to rule out a physical problem. So we were referred to a GI specialist at Riley. The doctor did a physical exam to check for Hirschsprung's Disease and SB was negative for it. The doctor instructed us to up his daily dosage of Miralax to half an adult dosage. So that's what we did.

When he was 8 months old he got an awful sinus infection. It took 2 rounds of antibiotics (and one month) to fight it off. For his 9 month checkup we noticed he had lost 1lb during that sinus infection, and he was now at the 10th percentile. One pound for an 8-9month old is quite a bit. I noticed his skin appeared a little dull and thinner. Not that thick-squishy-baby-fat kind of skin. The doctor said he would bounce back, and we just dismissed any signs we may have seen at the time.

After that doctor appointment we started him on self-feeding finger foods in addition to his formula. He was wanting to be independent in his feedings, so we allowed that. I served him homemade foods (had been doing homemade baby purees prior to this) like baked pears chunks, roasted diced carrots, well-steamed broccoli, fresh soft fruit chunks, etc. He did great with finger foods. But never consumed much. This is when our battles began with getting him to eat his meals.

Every meal became a chore. It became a constant bribing with SB. "Please, just take one more bite?" "You have to eat this food! Please!" "If you don't eat this, we cannot go outside to play". And on and on and on. Meals took at least an hour and were miserable for all parties involved. I was always worried that he wasn't eating enough to nourish his body. And to me, I could tell by the thickness of his skin. He looked pale and slightly malnourished.

For his 1 year checkup he was below the 10th percentiles...like close to the 5th percentiles. He basically hadn't gained any weight from his 9 month checkup. The doctor asked us how his eating habits were, and we told the doctor it was a daily struggle. His constipation was a daily struggle and his eating was a daily struggle. Meals were miserable. It was basically us force-feeding him. Even his formula bottles were force-fed. Doctor told us it was normal for toddlers to do this, and it would eventually pass. 

We were finally able to wean him from his formula and gave him Vit D milk by 13 months old. Due to his unwillingness to eat/drink, we kept his milk in a bottle because that was the only sure way we knew he was getting nutrition; and it was measured, which made us feel better about knowing exactly what he was getting. We also were given a calorie additive that we put in every bottle, with the hopes that it would get him to gain weight. We kept him on the bottles until he was 16 months old, and at that point he willingly drank milk from his sippy.

By the time he was 2, he was very irregular in his bm's, even with daily doses of Miralax (he was on an adult daily dose by this time). He didn't really have an appetite and every meal was a battle. He ate so little that it worried my husband and I. His daily intake measured equivalent to approximately 1 cup of food. And he was VERY picky about the little bit of food he did eat. We requested to be seen by a specialist because we felt in our guts that something was just not right with him. It didn't feel or seem right that a 2 year old had dropped from 50th percentiles at birth to the 1st percentiles he was now in at age 2; add to that that his pediatrician now labeled him as a 'failure to thrive'.

We were referred to a dietitian at Riley Hospital. We saw this dietitian for a few months, and it got us nowhere at all. In fact, it was more frustrating than anything. This dietitian pointed the finger at us parents and disregarded anything we told her otherwise. He was put on a high-fat diet though, and we did stick with that because it made sense.

I don't remember the exact age he was when we saw the GI specialist at Peyton Manning's Children's Hospital, but I know the twins were little bitty babies at the time. The specialist had considered many things as the culprit, but didn't want to do any invasive testing until some easily-fixed things were ruled out first. We were told to do a 'cleanse' on SB (the Clean Out Phase) and then continue the adult-daily-dosage of Miralax after that. We did that multiple times throughout the first 9 months we were with that doctor. He eventually got a wrist x-ray to check his growth (Bone Age Study) and that came back normal. They also did multiple blood tests to check for food allergies as a possibility as to why he was so incredibly picky with his food (at the time he had a list of maybe 10 foods he would eat). All tests came back negative for anything wrong. He had perfect tests.

We were referred to a dietitian again, but we declined since the previous one at Riley did not help us in any way at all. Plus, we as parents, had the gut feeling that it had nothing to do with what we fed him. He was already on a high-fat diet, and had been ever since we saw that first dietitian. There was something else wrong, but we didn't know what. He seemed to have no appetite at all. He rarely asked for food. And he wasn't gaining any weight.

Finally, after all the testing and trial/error with the GI specialist, that doctor put him on an appetite stimulant. The doctor said it seems like he truly has no appetite at all, and maybe if we stimulated it we would see some weight gain. The doctor explained how chronic constipation would cause constant nausea, which in turn would make someone not WANT to eat because it would make them feel more sick. Well, it's a vicious cycle.

                  

After 3 months on the appetite stimulant, we saw weight gain!! The first real weight gain he had had in what felt and seemed like more than a year! This was right before he turned 3. He also grew in height, which had been lagging behind the norm this whole time, too. When the doctor noted the positive feedback with the appetite stimulant, she was able to give a diagnosis (aka reason for this entire problem). She told us that this had meant that SB's chronic constipation had caused every bit of this. Here's what she explained to us:

Switch from breast milk to formula caused initial constipation.

Cereal being added to formula (due to reflux) was doubly constipating.

Constipation causes nausea.

Nausea causes one to refrain from eating (yes, even infants realize that eating while nauseous causes them discomfort).

Refraining from eating causes constipation.

Chronic constipation causes a child to hold in the bm due to it being painful.

Bm gets so backed up that there is no room for food in the stomach, causing one to refrain from eating.

Always having an empty stomach causes nausea.

Eventually this cycle led to his hunger-hormone being suppressed.

Lack of a hunger-hormone leads to no appetite!

No appetite leads to not eating!

Not eating leads to constipation!

You seeing the pattern here???? The doctor said he basically was anorexic (and in fact, she used that scary word). And all due to chronic constipation.

We've been treating him with Miralax every day since the time he was 3 months old. It doesn't look like we'll be stopping anytime soon. This year (when he was 3.5years old) he had another test done. He got an endoscopy to check for reasons he had been vomiting after eating starting a few months prior. They found nothing abnormal. Just another issue caused directly from his constipation. He's old enough to know we are giving him Miralax, and he's old enough to trick us by dumping the medicine out into the sink when he doesn't want to take it...which causes him to get backed up on occasion. And that was causing him to vomit. He was nauseous from constipation, and we made him eat...he then vomited all the food up. Vicious cycle....again.

I whole heartedly believe that me giving him formula has messed with his GI tract development, making it harder for him to digest foods (breast milk has natural bacteria that help coat the intestines; formula lacks this). Yes, he may have genetically inherited some intestinal issues as far as regular constipation goes (since that does happen), but I believe that has only been exaggerated by the harm formula caused to him and the natural development to his GI tract. You can do your own research if you want, but here are some good reads if you are curious about what I'm talking about and 'if' formula really does cause harm (plus, do you really think that something that is manufactured inside a lab by scientists is better than the God-given natural-milk that your body manufactures specifically for your offspring?):

BellyBelly.com (formula vs breastmilk)

Mayo Clinic Formula vs Breastfeeding

Infant Formula Ingredients (it's disgusting, I'll warn you that)

More infant formula ingredients (the formula I fed SB is listed on here, ew!)

If you do Formula, try this route (organic)

Also, for formula options, look here

No one can tell me otherwise; I know that giving SB formula added to his constipation-prone problems. My gut has told me this the entire time. I should've followed my gut from the very beginning. But it's okay, I'm understanding that I only did what I thought was best at the time. 

Finding your BFF

                                

Something I've noticed since becoming a SAHM is that it is impossible hard to find good-quality groups of friends to hang out with when you're not familiar with the area you live (after re-locating post high school & college) and you are mostly at home every single day. Yea sure, you can always seek out play-groups to attend to let your kiddos play with other kiddos their age, but I'm not talking about those kind of "friends". I'm talking about those true, life-long BFFs (aside from spouses). Those friends who don't always agree with you and who aren't afraid to be totally brutally honest; those friends who take their time to work through issues or disagreements; those friends who always have your back, no matter what; those friends who understand you; those friends who share some of your core values and morals; those friends who don't talk behind your back in a negative light; those friends who truly just enjoy your friendship and WANT to be a part of your life. Because that is what a true friend is.

I've also noticed how there are large groups of ladies whom look like a great group of friends, but on the inside there is much gossiping, back-stabbing, and dishonesty. That's not what I want at all. I'd love to have an honest group of ladies who are truly friends through thick and thin.

I've been very observant of this topic in my day-to-day life since I quit working in 2008 and decided I would be a SAHM. My husband (fiance` at the time) and I moved to a new town for his new job; one of which neither of us knew anybody, other than his new co-workers. I was 3 hours away from my home town and David was 45 minutes away from his. We were still close enough to his  home town that we were able to have his family there to lean on and hang out with; though at the time, things were a little rocky with his family due to poor communication (one of those hindsight is 20/20 things). We basically just hung out with each other and every once in a while we hung out with his old high school friends or college friends. As much as we enjoyed this, I still very much missed having a group of friends and/or lady BFF in my daily life. But with me not working, or even having a baby yet (planning a baby at the time, but not yet pregnant until October 2008), I wasn't sure how to go about meeting people. I originally thought that naturally we would befriend my husband's coworkers, as other places like his place of employment I had always assumed were very close-knit. But this proved to be a bad assumption. Their work schedules posed quite the problem with being able to hang out, along with some other reasons that aren't worth disclosing. It's hard to be a new person in a small town. People tend to already have their group of friends, or cliques if you want to call them that, and they're not typically open to outsiders. Lesson learned: don't go into a new small-town and expect to be welcomed with open arms.

Once we got pregnant, I joined a forum for pregnant women in hopes to socialize and maybe even make a friend, since this new town I lived in didn't seem to be working out socially. I kept my distance on this board for a while and watched as very-quickly cliques formed, and just like in high school, there was bullying and ganging up on people. And it seemed even easier to bully people because this wasn't a face-to-face thing here, it was online and all done through black and white text. People weren't afraid to say anything. But I found this all intriguing and kept on being an observer. I eventually joined in on discussions, as I did have many FTM questions to ask. To keep this multi-year story short, I will sum it up by saying that I eventually joined a group of "friends" whom I thought were trustworthy and we talked everyday online and eventually all met up in person. However, this all ended badly. I always had suspicions about back-stabbing, and I was right. All but one of those ladies were two-faced to each other and to me. I ended that quickly and moved forward. Lesson learned: online forum "friends" aren't going to be those life-long BFFs and typically not even going to be true friends; though I have kept in touch with some other ladies whom I met on that forum and they are always fun to chat with.

Once our son was born I felt desperate for a Mommy-friend to hang out with and to have play-dates with. I did have good friends who had babies, but they were all living across the U.S. I felt I needed someone local to hang out with. I was tired of my husband and I always hanging out with just each other and some of our family! So I put forth quite an effort to befriend a local person. This person had a child that was younger than my son, but still somewhat close in age. We tried being friends but it never worked out. I am an honest person; always have been, always will be, and this person just couldn't handle honesty; plus this person was just very different from me. This person would rather I lie to appease them and their ideas. I couldn't stand that kind of 'friendship' and I moved forward. Lesson learned: life-long friendships will never be made out of being desperate.

We eventually moved out of that small town and headed to a larger town. I still felt a desire to have a local BFF, but had learned that seeking one out is the wrong way to go about it. I figured I'll let the person find me! And I have found a good friend, however I'm learning that the being honest part is still a struggle. While I've always remained honest, people nowadays just don't know how to take that. I think they're used to this generation of "tell me what I want to hear" instead of "just tell me the truth". While it makes me sad, I have to keep in mind that it's just the way things are now. However, I am refusing to change myself for that. Honesty is key in life and I have always felt good that the day I face my judgement, I can look at God and be able to say that I've remained honest in my life. The one thing I have learned and adjusted accordingly is the TIMING of being honest. I didn't used to be that great at it, but I have improved. Always a work in progress, though!

Another thing I have found is that friendships are a LOT like finding a spouse. The first year (give or take a little) is like the "honeymoon" phase...all seems peachy keen and then eventually that part wears off and the real stuff comes out. You won't really see how that relationship is until that honeymoon phase is over. And after a year, the excitement and new-ness wears off. So, from this, I have concluded that you don't call someone your BFF until a year or so has passed. You need to go through some stuff together before you will know how things really are; things like disagreements (because a true friend won't always agree with you, and if they claim they do, then they aren't being honest....sorry, but you know it's true), things that require emotional support from one another, giving and taking advice, multiple vent sessions, etc....Just like a spouse/partner in life. Lesson learned in life: BFFs aren't going to appear, they take work, time, and commitment;  just like a marriage.


To sum this all up, I will say that I have my girl-friend BFF. Someone who has been through ALL of that^  with me, someone who agrees & disagrees with me, and who will agree to disagree on those things we don't see eye to eye on, someone who vents to me and whom I can vent to, someone who gives advice and hears advice, someone who has and always will be there for me; someone who truly enjoys our friendship. That person knows who they are, and though there is distance between us, I know that doesn't matter. I need to just be okay with this and not worry so much about having a local person to call a BFF. Maybe having a local BFF isn't necessary to live a full & happy life :-)

**Now don't get me wrong, I DO have some very good friends (and also those I consider "sisters"). People whom I keep in touch with and who are there for me. This isn't about friendships in general...this is about those BFF's...and namely, the desire to have a local one. 

Advice to be given to FTM's

I've been debating for the past month on posting a blog about the laughable moments First Time Mom's have. I've started it and restarted it. I've even had input from multiple 'seasoned moms' on the topic. I just can't seem to push the post button. The reason is because I know SO many FTM's right now and I don't want them to think I am singling them out or laughing AT them. However, I think there is some good advice to be given on the subject that may very well be helpful to them. I've also wished I could've had advice like this given to me back when I was a FTM.

Here is my top 10 very watered down and simple advice to those of you who are currently pregnant or are raising your first born:

1. As excited as you are about this first pregnancy, you can't expect EVERYONE you come into contact to be as excited as you and your partner/spouse. I'm sure they're HAPPY for you, but they may want to talk about something else other than your growing belly and the beautiful new life inside of you.

2. In relation to the above mentioned advice, I will add that all-things-baby gets old to those around you. Registries, baby names, nursery themes and decor, maternity clothes, doctor appointments, delivery choices etc. Sure, you and your partner/spouse are head-over-heels about this new chapter in your lives, but also try to discuss other topics and try to spend some time focusing on your marriage/relationship. Far too often relationships get forgotten as you focus on the new bundle of joy and all things related to that. It doesn't take 9 months to prepare a nursery and closet for the baby...so try to spend at least the first half of the pregnancy on making sure you have a solid foundation (relationship) so that when the baby arrives it doesn't crumble (trust me, the first few months as new parents can prove challenging in many ways).

3. Don't read so many baby books. They're unnecessary. Parenting comes naturally, I promise. And if you do get into a situation that you're not sure what to do, please ask a seasoned parent! Someone who isn't also a FTM with you, but rather someone who has either an older child or someone who has multiple children. I see a lot of FTMs ask fellow FTMs for advice, and it really gets them nowhere. The best advice will come from someone who has a young child or multiple young children (because it's still fresh in their memory) who has been through the issue you're facing.

4. Stop focusing SO MUCH on details that truly don't matter. Things like having everything ready for the nursery (unless you have a load of money, spending lots on a baby nursery is ridiculous as they'll outgrow the theme rather quickly as toddlers), purchasing every baby product out there (babies actually don't require much of anything...just a few necessities), making sure you have a well thought-out birth plan printed and handed out to every nurse and doctor involved (things very rarely go as planned anyways, trust me), or things like 'having all your ducks in a row' prior to the baby arriving. Something most FTM's don't realize is that the first 3 months of your new life with a baby is BORING. There really isn't much going on...the baby eats, sleeps, poops, and occasionally needs bathed (everyday bathing is entirely unnecessary as it dries the baby's skin out). You'll have much more time on your hands than you think. So if something doesn't get finished prior to the baby's arrival, I promise you'll be fine and have plenty of time afterwards. Don't stress about this so much!

5. Don't make up your mind about things prior to even experiencing them. Things like "my kid will never watch TV prior to age 2" or "oh I'll NEVER do _____" or "I'll never use formula for my baby". Just stop. It's ridiculous and will make you get eye rolls from those of us who have actually lived it. Plus, you can't predict the future and you'll have NO idea what your child will be like or the struggles you may face. Each human is unique and requires different forms of rearing. So deciding on a style of parenting before your child is even born is absurd. Instead, have a general idea for things you are OPEN to and things you are not so open to. Don't have any closed doors in your mind. And be open to the advice of those who have experienced child rearing.

6. Germs. As a former (well maybe not former exactly, but lessened) germaphobe, I can tell you that germs are a GOOD thing for kids. It doesn't mean throw them in with a bunch of sick kids (like those chicken pox lollipop parties from back in the day), but it doesn't mean you should keep them in the bubble of your home for forever. And stop washing the pacifier every time it touches something other than your child's mouth (within reason here folks, use common sense). There's no need to wash the baby toys every single day to rid your house of germs. Babies need to be exposed to germs to build their immune systems or else you'll have a very sick child once they finally go out into the world. Dirt is a good thing. Being around people is a good thing. I know doctors advise to keep your newborn home for a few weeks during sick season (like babies born in the winter), but as soon as the doctor gives you the go-ahead get OUT of the house!

7. Milestones. Every new parent pays very very very close attention to their baby's milestones. Every single one is huge to you; and rightfully so as you've grown this human and now get to witness miraculous parts of their growth. And you immediately want to tell the whole world because you think it matters to everyone. Truth is that it doesn't truly matter to anyone but you. Sure, share some big milestones because you're proud (I sure did), but keep in mind that the wording you choose to use in announcing it can be taken entirely the wrong way. It can be (and likely will be) taken as you saying your child is more intelligent or ahead than other kids. And even if they are ahead of the curve, how do you think it makes another parent feel when their child may be falling behind? Choose carefully how and what you share with the world in regards to this topic. There is nothing wrong with being proud, it's just all about how you go about it.

8. Judging other parents. We've ALL done this before. It's so cruel. Keep in mind that you have NO idea what that other parent has been through or what that child is like. Stop judging other parents and their decisions, and instead focus your energy on raising your own child.

9. Put your marriage FIRST. Your children should not come first; contrary to popular belief. Biblically speaking and morally speaking. Your kids are a priority, yes, but your marriage sets up their foundation and raising. Without your marriage/relationship your child would not even be here. So make sure to take the time out to keep your marriage/relationship strong! Your child's happiness depends upon yours and your spouse's happiness...regardless of what you want to believe. It took two people to create this child and it's going to take two to raise the child. Use teamwork :-)

10. Don't compare your child with another child. Just don't! It's silly. As stated above, each human is different and no two will be 100% alike. You'll save yourself a lot of headache and heartache if you just see each baby as an individual instead of making sure they're like another baby.

Dubble Bubble Birthday Party for the Twins!

So, back last year...like 7 months before their February birthday, I was hunting for a fun and unique theme for their party. They are currently too young to pick their own theme or have an opinion on the matter at all. I LOVE hosting parties and LOVE crafting, so I really enjoy having themes and kind of going all out. I know, I know, they are just little kids and won't remember their party...so why go big on their party?! Well, because they will have pictures to remember their early birthday parties, they enjoy the decorations, our friends and family take the time out of their day to come celebrate with us, and ...why not make it fun for all?

When searching for twin birthday party themes, the most overdone one of all that comes up in the search is "Thing 1 and Thing 2"...I am NOT doing that one...Ever. Another common one is Noah's Ark. Nope to that one too. I really wanted something unique...something not overdone.
And then I stumbled upon this one blog (only one I could find) with the Dubble Bubble theme: Designer Girl 007.

It was clear very quickly that I was going to do the Dubble Bubble theme. Two main reasons: one being it's entirely unique. In fact, the only idea for it that I could find was the one blog listed above. Two, being since there's no pre-made party stuff in existence, I could craft everything on my own. Winner!

I found inspiration on Pinterest, but also had many of my own ideas.

 This was their cake. Everyone loved it! How cool! And it was delicious! We did a pink lemonade cake and a vanilla cake. It was designed and made by Dianna Keesler.@ Love of Cakes.

And here is the entire cake table. We used red/pink starbursts (they actually sell these in a bag with only the red ones!), Strawberry Whoppers, animal crackers, Dubble Bubble Gum, Cake Pops (also made by Love of Cakes), and butter mints in pink and blue wrappers to go with the theme.

 For our party-area decor (which happened to be our kitchen/dining area) we used crepe paper ($.97 per roll) to hang in streamers on the wall in the colors of the party (no, that is NOT wallpaper, lol). We also used $.97 plastic table cloths from Wal-Mart for the solid blue chair rail to cover up our rose wallpaper border. It really added to the dramatic effect!
Here are the recipes for the food we served: Meatballs with cubed cheese,  Greek Dip (and I did homemade hummus) with pita chips,  and the Raspberry Lemonade punch. I kept the sweet treats and the appetizers on separate tables (left table is appetizers and right is sweet treats).

I made these from white poster board ($.99 per sheet and I used 2 total sheets) and just cut them out. For the blue letters (their initials) I wrapped them with blue crepe paper. For the number 2, I scrunched up small square pieces of tissue paper and hot glued them onto the poster board (tissue paper was $.97 per pack at Wal-Mart and I used 2 packs).

This was a table decoration piece. I made the banner on my computer with Power Point and then just added the bubblegum to the vase. Easy enough!

This was a Dubble Bubblegum tree. I used a plastic cup turned upside down as a base, wrapped some white paper around it to make a tee-pee shape, hot glued it together...and then hot glued on the bubblegum pieces. I let my 3year old son help me with this and he had a lot of fun!

Here's our beverage and supply station. Super easy and cheap to do. We did a raspberry lemonade punch in the dispenser (recipe is above) and I set the table up a little nicer for the actual party than what is pictured here. The paper plates, napkins, cups, and plastic wear were all in the $.97 section of the party supplies at Wal-Mart. For the plastic wear, I placed them in mason jars that had Dubble Bubble gum in the bottoms for a little added detail.

This was the set up for our photo booth area and extra seating. We used the $.97 plastic table cloths to cover all of the tables and I printed off the little bubblegum machines and pieces of bubblegum to pin up the yellow table cloth (just to add a little detail). I took the pictures the night before so all of the chairs and the camera were not yet set up. We placed the camera on the table with a tri-pod and it worked perfectly.

I wrapped up a diaper box with bubblegum pink paper and typed up a Photo Booth instructions sheet...and then filled it with some stuff I made on the computer and other fun photo booth props! This was such a fun activity for a birthday party!

For our fireplace mantle I wanted something abstract, so we blew up a bunch of balloons and just piled them on there in a random arrangement (used masking tape to secure them). We also hid a bubble machine in there to turn on to entertain the kids when they all started acting crazy...and it worked like a charm!

On top of our entertainment stand is where we kept the party favors; which were candy filled balloons with the card pictured above attached to it (I made using PowerPoint)..and then a toothpick taped to the homemade card so they could pop the balloon; I advised all of the parents to supervise their children while popping the balloon and suggested doing it outside. I also added some 'gumball' balloon decor as well (which was a pink balloon wrapped in iridescent cellophane and tied on the ends with ribbon).
Not pictured is a kid table I had set up with home-made coloring pages and crayons for everyone to color so that I could add the pages to the Twins' scrapbook. I am also adding the photo booth pictures that were taken to their scrap book as well. Many fun memories were made with this uniquely themed party!!!


All in all, this was party was so FUN! Everyone really had a good time. I was able to decorate for this party for less than $20 (including the table decor and photo booth) and the food cost me around $60. My Mom purchased the cake, so I did not include that in my cost. I'm sure anyone could pull this same party off for less than $200, everything included.

Happy 2nd Birthday to my Twincesses!!

Change, the real kind.

So this post will be a bit heavy of a topic. Maybe even a bit annoying to some. But it's one that I need to write about to let it out.

The topic is about change; and the specific changing of oneself for the betterment, and legacy of your name.

A close friend pointed out to me very recently that my family likes to poke fun at me (the much younger me, mostly) and does so often. She asked why they do it and I replied "because I'm an easy target", which is true. I also know that the teasing she was referring to was all done in fun and had no ill intention. So I'm game. Bring it. I poke fun at myself too!

But this also reminded me of how I used to be back years ago and how I have CHANGED since then. In fact, I've really changed a lot.

As a child I've been told numerous times that I was quite the Academy Award winning drama Queen. That I hated crowds. That I was mean to my brother. That I was a speed talker. That I was bossy. That I was strong willed. That I was mouthy. That I was spoiled. That it was all about ME.  And my Mom refers to me in a phrase that I was the child who thought I was god. And my first grade teacher wrote on my report card that I was "the mother" and "doesn't play well with others".

Any of that sound like things you'd like to be referred to for the rest of your life?              I didn't think so.

I don't want to be remembered that way for the rest of my life. And those of you that know me now may be shocked to read the above references to me because I’m not like that anymore (well, for the most part...I did retain some qualities as they are the personality that God gave me).

I won't describe how I am now in my own words, because that would be my own perception which usually isn’t entirely accurate. But I would like to think that how I feel about who I am now is how others view me.

I will, however, describe what I've been aiming for in this change.

I aim to live for God and to please HIM. To make Him proud of me and my actions. And to raise my kids to live for God and obey Him.

I aim to forgive and move forward. This is a tough one but one we all must strive for. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you're okay with the issue, but that you've accepted that's its happened and we are all human and if God can forgive, then we can too. Following this I have been able to quickly move on from arguments, from hurt, and from anger.

I aim to think before I speak; another tough one for me because I grew up being brutally honest about everything. I am still honest but I now try to think about how others will receive what I have to say. I also realize that there's a time and place for everything, and maybe the time I feel I must say something is really a bad time. I then try very hard to keep my mouth shut until a later time...or maybe even forever. But, like all humans, I slip up sometimes and speak before I think and may cause hurt to people unintentionally. I NEVER intend to hurt someone's feelings (and if I say something that you think sounds hurtful, then please as for clarification because you most likely misunderstood or I didn’t have the right approach in saying what I said). I only believe in being honest because I do not believe in lying or sugar coating things. We live in a world of sugar coated everything and all that has done is made people delusional, spoiled, and self righteous. Snap back to reality with a dose of truth and if you don't like the truth then WORK to change it. **Only exception here is when what you have to say is something that cannot ever be changed and will only cause hurt. For instance would be how someone looks. I will never ever stand for bullying. And I think this is where some people forget to draw the line on being brutally honest. Let the truth be constructive in some way and have good intentions, or don't say it at all.

I aim to be helpful and raise my kids to be helpful. Everyone needs help sometimes. And I'd love to be the person people can turn to for that help. I may not have the resources available, but I'm willing to help you seek out those resources. There have been many times when my family has been in dire need of help and we are so blessed to have a great amount of people be there for us to step in when we need it. Thank you to those people!

I aim to be more relaxed. Something I wasn't really ever good at. I used to be called high-strung because I was always anxious. This is something I got help with while in college. I went to a psychologist for a year who taught me how to calm down and handle situations differently. I credit this man with changing me for the better and helping me become the person I had always wanted to be. I feel more at peace with myself than I had ever been prior to age 21. I truly feel like I handle things entirely differently and much more calmly.  I usually only have one to two moments a year that I don't feel I've handled to the best of my ability. But again, I'm human and am allowed those moments because I am NOT perfect, and never will be. Those are the moments I ask God for forgiveness and ask that people forgive me for them as well.


I aim to be fun. This hasn't really ever been hard for me, but there are times I feel like I'm being a bump-on-a-log and grumpy. I also feel like I get stuck in a rut and become no fun at all. So I strive to find fun in everything I do and find enjoyment in it all. I always look for the positives in EVERYTHING, which is why I'm able to poke fun at myself and situations. It's always best to look on the brighter side =) As a younger adult I would take the fun out of everything by only seeing the negatives. That's not the way to live life. I want to LIVE life to the fullest and to do that there isn't room for Negative Nancy. So I put on my Positive Polly pants every morning and have FUN!

I aim to be a good, caring, loving, compassionate Mother to my children and Wife to my husband. Far too often do I see examples of those that I do not want to be like. I try to remember those examples when I'm feeling down about a rough day at home and that helps me pick myself back up and get back on the path that I want. I am certainly far from perfect is this area, but I know my heart is in the right place and that I am trying to do what is right.

I aim to be conscious in life; to be aware of what's going on around me and not be naive about it all. I believe a lot of people choose to ignore this world and the problems it faces. I want to be aware of it and do my duty on Earth by trying to make it a better place. I want to teach my kids about evil but show them that positive far outweighs the evil.

I aim to make a positive impact on people's lives. There's a saying that goes around that really irritates me, and that's because it's a lie. I hear "don't worry about what people think because it doesn't matter."  That is absolutely untrue. Why wouldn’t it matter?! Why even be nice to people or do good things if it doesn't matter anyways? Exactly, people. It DOES matter. God's opinion of me matters, my loved ones' opinions matter, the strangers I meet opinion's matter, etc. Why does it matter? Because I know I am a good person and I want that to shine brightly so that other people can see it too and hope that it will brighten their lives. Our legacy on this Earth is all we have left after we pass on to Heaven. I would prefer that it's a positive legacy and not a negative one. I want people to come to my funeral one day (very long from now) and have happy, positive, fun memories to share.
So, people, please stop telling yourself that you don't care what people think of you. It's not true. Deep down inside we ALL care how we are viewed. You are depriving yourself of honesty if you tell yourself otherwise.
I remember a while back I heard somewhere (possibly Oprah?) that ‘All mankind wants is to be heard and to know that someone cares’. It's very true.


And to close this out, I will end with the words that the three closest people to me, at this point in my life, have used to describe me right now at age 27 (all three were honest as I asked them to be, so thanks to you guys!):   a very loving mother, a wonderful wife, theatrically dramatic (i.e. I become a ninja when I see a spider and could be recast as the leading role in the Arachnophobia movie; not meaning in a negative "likes drama and causes drama" way, says this person), Controlling, Passionate, Straight forward (honest; bluntly and brutally sometimes), Head strong, and  Creative.

I am happy with their descriptions and believe it proves I HAVE changed for the better. Those are much more positive than the descriptions I used to be given that were listed above. I'll take them in stride and continue to work on myself and all of my goals.

The Twins Turning TWO! Are we done having kids?!

This might be the year I really DO cry on my girls' birthday :'( They are turning TWO! And there are a few good reasons I will be crying...

When David and I met we had discussed kids pretty quickly. We always knew we'd want a good sized family as we both adore children. He said he'd want just two kids and I said I wanted four. So we compromised and settled on three. (To which I had expected three pregnancies to enjoy for those three kids).
After Sawyer's (planned...for those who question us all the time! Not that it's any of your business, but I'll clear that up real quick since it happened right as soon as we got married) pregnancy and the rough start to it (I had hyperemesis; which is the extreme version of 'morning sickness' and it caused multiple hospitalizations; and also had SI joint instability, making it very hard to walk), we had questioned having those three kids. Pregnancy had its rough start, but once we got over that initial sickness, it got much better! And then came that sweet prize at the end, our precious baby boy!!! However, his delivery was quite the scary situation and led me to have an urgent c-section (which you'll see later on that it changes some things for us).
Right as I'm holding SB for the first time, I look at David and say "I really want another one like RIGHT now! I could totally hold two babies!". He said I was nuts, as did the nurses. And they blamed it on my hormonal dump.
When Sawyer was 9 months old we decided to try for another baby. I got pregnant right away, but that pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage about a week after we got that positive test. We were sad but remained positive and we would try again as soon as the doctor gave us the go. We didn't think it would take us three months to get the go-ahead, but it did (Sawyer was just turning 1).  And within two weeks of getting that go-ahead we once again quickly got pregnant. Odd thing was that I got a positive VERY early...and a very dark positive!

I called my doctor right away and she ordered a blood test to confirm.
That same night that I got the positive tests and had the first blood test, I had this really intense realistic crazy dream. I was having an ultrasound and on the screen were two baby girls who said their names were Annabelle and Charlotte. They were identical twin girls. (You get goosebumps yet?! LOL).
So I had the idea in my head that I was having those twin girls.
They did two tests 48hrs apart (with a healthy pregnancy the numbers should double in those 48hrs). My numbers more than tripled. I asked if that meant twins, and they said not necessarily. But they ordered an ultrasound for 5w3d along. That ultrasound showed one gestational sac and a faint yolk sac. Nothing else. So my doctor told me to come back in two weeks to look for a heartbeat. Then at 7w3d we went back to look for a heartbeat. NEVER did we think we'd see this:

And both tadpoles had strong heartbeats!!!! I was in shock and David was jumping up and down while holding SB.
That crazy intense realistic dream JUST about made me faint and I know I got major goosebumps and chills. But there was a problem. Both tadpoles resided in the same sac. I was taken to a room and the doctor explained that there was reason to be concerned and she showed me pictures of what she thought may be going on (Mo-Mo twins was their worry). She was referring me to a high-risk doctor who had a better ultrasound machine to hopefully detect a division in the sac. But I had to wait two weeks until that appointment and during that time we had already booked a vacation with some awesome friends down in Gatlinburg. I knew I was going to be too stressed to have a good time, plus I had morning sickness. BUT I still had a decent time. I was just cranky, moody, sick, and bloated. LoL. Sorry to the Suddarth family for being such a pain on the trip!!!

At that high-risk appointment we were beyond nervous. I turned to God and prayed an incredible amount and told Him that I put all my faith in Him that all would go well...I took some deep breaths and stayed positive. The doctor seemed nervous but within a few minutes of looking, she found that super teeny tiny division we were hoping for!

Picture from 9 weeks along....can barely see the cell membrane division, but it's there!!

 Here's at 10w2d...the cell membrane is easier to see :)

What a relief!! I remember letting out a HUGE breath and sigh of relief. I also started crying. But I knew all was going to be just fine. The doctor said it was still a high risk pregnancy as the twins shared a placenta, but I had zero worries about that. I just had a very internal peace that I know was a God thing. They monitored me weekly for twin-to-twin transfusion (one baby stealing the other baby's nutrition which can be fatal) but never had any issues.
Here's where Sawyer's birth plays a role in the twins' birth. I got big. I got REALLY big. And since this was not my first pregnancy, I got big FAST.

Here's a timeline example from just 12 weeks to 24 weeks...

And because I had a rough c-section 12 months before I got pregnant with these twins, there was a very serious risk, though it was a tiny small percentage risk, is was still a serious risk. It was uterine rupture. Had I just been carrying a singleton I would've been fine. But I was growing rapidly and measured 6-10 weeks ahead the entire pregnancy. Also a complication was pre-term labor; which for me, started at 28 weeks. I was put on strict bed rest and was hospitalized numerous times thinking I would deliver because my contractions were THAT intense and regular. (Picture below is one of the many hospital stays...I was huge and miserable...so yea, go ahead and make fun of me ;-) )

However, I made it to 34 weeks (6 weeks in labor, yeehaw).  At that point I measured 45cm....which is 45 weeks pregnant.

Yea I was a giant. A beached whale. A miserable cranky over-this pregnant lady who wanted these humans who battered me from the inside OUT of my dang body. I even joked frequently that my husband needed to press battery and domestic charges on these babies as soon as they came out. LoL.
On February 8th I was discharged from the hospital (for the umpteenth time) and told I made it to my goal of 34 weeks with two rounds of steroid shots for their lungs. I was safe to deliver any time and to just take it easy (no more strict bed rest). So on the 9th we went to the museum where I parked my behind on benches the whole time. Barely walking. But I needed to get out of the house. (And the museum was just blocks away from my hospital). I had been 3.5-4cm dilated for weeks now and my doctors were just waiting for my water to break at this point. 
That evening I began feeling a very strange bruised feeling on my old c-section scar. It was weird. I told David and he convinced me to get to the hospital (again) to get checked out. I was (and still am) stubborn and decided to drive myself because I just KNEW I'd be sent back home once again. So I drove the 3 minutes from our house to the nearest hospital. Waddled in there with a look of misery on my face. Expecting to go to Triage room A as usual. But this time they put me in a real room. That was odd. Then in comes my nurse Amanda. She said my OB would be in shorty and I was likely going to be kept. Ummmmm, what?!
In comes my doctor with a look of concern on her face. She asks me to very detailed describe what I was feeling. So I did. I told her that when twin A's head moved that it felt very bruised on my scar...so bad that it hurt me to move (I couldn't even lift my leg). After 30minuted of us talking, she decided I HAD to be delivered ASAP because my uterus was likely going to rupture any minute (this was at exactly 9pm). This hospital was only equipped for 34 weekers and greater, and I literally had just turned 34 weeks. They were nervous and alerted everyone on staff there plus extra pediatrician's and I heard them call a helicopter. I asked to be transferred to my high-risk hospital downtown Indy but I was told they couldn't because I could rupture on the way there (rupture meaning I would literally burst at the seams of my old scar).
I started crying. Freaked out. Had to call my husband and told him he had to RUSH over or else he'd miss the birth. I also called my Mom and my close friend Aaron. Those were the only calls I made and I just cried until I was taken to the OR. David got there right as they were taking me back. (It took him a little bit because he had to call our babysitter).
I was taken back, given the awesome spinal (I seriously loved it....pain no more!) and got prepped for surgery. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember feeling the tension in the room so I began to make light of the situation and cracking jokes. Just trying to lighten the mood a little!! Haha!
At 10:04pm I hear the first LOUD cry and also at 10:04pm heard the second LOUD cry. All was well =)

 Each girl had their own doctor and they quickly got checked over. They brought each girl over for me to quickly see (and David got to hold one) and then they wheeled them off to NICU. It wasn't until  the next afternoon that I got to see them again. That was rough. But I had two beautiful healthy little girls (who weren't really that little for twin 34 weekers...each was 5lbs4oz!!). After a one week stay for all of us, we got to go home!!

Six weeks later at my follow-up appointment I asked my doctor if another baby was out of the question for me or not. She said I'd need to wait years for my uterus to heal and even then, uterine rupture would be a real risk again. I took that news hard but prayed about it. David and I really did consider a 4th baby (or knowing our luck,  a 4th and 5th!) but with weighing the risks we decided we can't do that again. The risk wasn't worth it. So we are officially DONE. That's a hard sentence to write. It's hard to say and even harder to swallow. (Or maybe that means we really AREN'T done?!?!.....Hmmmmm...)
I wonder if every woman has a hard time being done having babies? We were put on this planet to be mothers and knowing we won't be having anymore just feels strange. It took me a good solid year before I began to accept it. I REALLY wanted three pregnancies to enjoy and really had my mind set to that. But we got our three kids in two pregnancies (the miscarriage was so short lived that I don't count it). I just need to accept our blessings :)

So, all of that to say I will cry as my LAST babies turn 2 tomorrow. They are officially toddlers and NOT babies. It's hard for me. Yes I am very happy and blessed I have my three awesome kids, but never to have another little bitty baby to rock, nurse, or cuddle with is just a hard reality!
So I'm going to enjoy this last day of them being 1 year olds and embrace them turning 2 tomorrow and officially becoming crazy toddlers!!

Happy Birthday to my Twincesses!!!