Something I've noticed since becoming a SAHM is that it is
I've also noticed how there are large groups of ladies whom look like a great group of friends, but on the inside there is much gossiping, back-stabbing, and dishonesty. That's not what I want at all. I'd love to have an honest group of ladies who are truly friends through thick and thin.
I've been very observant of this topic in my day-to-day life since I quit working in 2008 and decided I would be a SAHM. My husband (fiance` at the time) and I moved to a new town for his new job; one of which neither of us knew anybody, other than his new co-workers. I was 3 hours away from my home town and David was 45 minutes away from his. We were still close enough to his home town that we were able to have his family there to lean on and hang out with; though at the time, things were a little rocky with his family due to poor communication (one of those hindsight is 20/20 things). We basically just hung out with each other and every once in a while we hung out with his old high school friends or college friends. As much as we enjoyed this, I still very much missed having a group of friends and/or lady BFF in my daily life. But with me not working, or even having a baby yet (planning a baby at the time, but not yet pregnant until October 2008), I wasn't sure how to go about meeting people. I originally thought that naturally we would befriend my husband's coworkers, as other places like his place of employment I had always assumed were very close-knit. But this proved to be a bad assumption. Their work schedules posed quite the problem with being able to hang out, along with some other reasons that aren't worth disclosing. It's hard to be a new person in a small town. People tend to already have their group of friends, or cliques if you want to call them that, and they're not typically open to outsiders. Lesson learned: don't go into a new small-town and expect to be welcomed with open arms.
Once we got pregnant, I joined a forum for pregnant women in hopes to socialize and maybe even make a friend, since this new town I lived in didn't seem to be working out socially. I kept my distance on this board for a while and watched as very-quickly cliques formed, and just like in high school, there was bullying and ganging up on people. And it seemed even easier to bully people because this wasn't a face-to-face thing here, it was online and all done through black and white text. People weren't afraid to say anything. But I found this all intriguing and kept on being an observer. I eventually joined in on discussions, as I did have many FTM questions to ask. To keep this multi-year story short, I will sum it up by saying that I eventually joined a group of "friends" whom I thought were trustworthy and we talked everyday online and eventually all met up in person. However, this all ended badly. I always had suspicions about back-stabbing, and I was right. All but one of those ladies were two-faced to each other and to me. I ended that quickly and moved forward. Lesson learned: online forum "friends" aren't going to be those life-long BFFs and typically not even going to be true friends; though I have kept in touch with some other ladies whom I met on that forum and they are always fun to chat with.
Once our son was born I felt desperate for a Mommy-friend to hang out with and to have play-dates with. I did have good friends who had babies, but they were all living across the U.S. I felt I needed someone local to hang out with. I was tired of my husband and I always hanging out with just each other and some of our family! So I put forth quite an effort to befriend a local person. This person had a child that was younger than my son, but still somewhat close in age. We tried being friends but it never worked out. I am an honest person; always have been, always will be, and this person just couldn't handle honesty; plus this person was just very different from me. This person would rather I lie to appease them and their ideas. I couldn't stand that kind of 'friendship' and I moved forward. Lesson learned: life-long friendships will never be made out of being desperate.
We eventually moved out of that small town and headed to a larger town. I still felt a desire to have a local BFF, but had learned that seeking one out is the wrong way to go about it. I figured I'll let the person find me! And I have found a good friend, however I'm learning that the being honest part is still a struggle. While I've always remained honest, people nowadays just don't know how to take that. I think they're used to this generation of "tell me what I want to hear" instead of "just tell me the truth". While it makes me sad, I have to keep in mind that it's just the way things are now. However, I am refusing to change myself for that. Honesty is key in life and I have always felt good that the day I face my judgement, I can look at God and be able to say that I've remained honest in my life. The one thing I have learned and adjusted accordingly is the TIMING of being honest. I didn't used to be that great at it, but I have improved. Always a work in progress, though!
Another thing I have found is that friendships are a LOT like finding a spouse. The first year (give or take a little) is like the "honeymoon" phase...all seems peachy keen and then eventually that part wears off and the real stuff comes out. You won't really see how that relationship is until that honeymoon phase is over. And after a year, the excitement and new-ness wears off. So, from this, I have concluded that you don't call someone your BFF until a year or so has passed. You need to go through some stuff together before you will know how things really are; things like disagreements (because a true friend won't always agree with you, and if they claim they do, then they aren't being honest....sorry, but you know it's true), things that require emotional support from one another, giving and taking advice, multiple vent sessions, etc....Just like a spouse/partner in life. Lesson learned in life: BFFs aren't going to appear, they take work, time, and commitment; just like a marriage.
To sum this all up, I will say that I have my girl-friend BFF. Someone who has been through ALL of that^ with me, someone who agrees & disagrees with me, and who will agree to disagree on those things we don't see eye to eye on, someone who vents to me and whom I can vent to, someone who gives advice and hears advice, someone who has and always will be there for me; someone who truly enjoys our friendship. That person knows who they are, and though there is distance between us, I know that doesn't matter. I need to just be okay with this and not worry so much about having a local person to call a BFF. Maybe having a local BFF isn't necessary to live a full & happy life :-)
**Now don't get me wrong, I DO have some very good friends (and also those I consider "sisters"). People whom I keep in touch with and who are there for me. This isn't about friendships in general...this is about those BFF's...and namely, the desire to have a local one.
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