Advice to be given to FTM's

I've been debating for the past month on posting a blog about the laughable moments First Time Mom's have. I've started it and restarted it. I've even had input from multiple 'seasoned moms' on the topic. I just can't seem to push the post button. The reason is because I know SO many FTM's right now and I don't want them to think I am singling them out or laughing AT them. However, I think there is some good advice to be given on the subject that may very well be helpful to them. I've also wished I could've had advice like this given to me back when I was a FTM.

Here is my top 10 very watered down and simple advice to those of you who are currently pregnant or are raising your first born:

1. As excited as you are about this first pregnancy, you can't expect EVERYONE you come into contact to be as excited as you and your partner/spouse. I'm sure they're HAPPY for you, but they may want to talk about something else other than your growing belly and the beautiful new life inside of you.

2. In relation to the above mentioned advice, I will add that all-things-baby gets old to those around you. Registries, baby names, nursery themes and decor, maternity clothes, doctor appointments, delivery choices etc. Sure, you and your partner/spouse are head-over-heels about this new chapter in your lives, but also try to discuss other topics and try to spend some time focusing on your marriage/relationship. Far too often relationships get forgotten as you focus on the new bundle of joy and all things related to that. It doesn't take 9 months to prepare a nursery and closet for the baby...so try to spend at least the first half of the pregnancy on making sure you have a solid foundation (relationship) so that when the baby arrives it doesn't crumble (trust me, the first few months as new parents can prove challenging in many ways).

3. Don't read so many baby books. They're unnecessary. Parenting comes naturally, I promise. And if you do get into a situation that you're not sure what to do, please ask a seasoned parent! Someone who isn't also a FTM with you, but rather someone who has either an older child or someone who has multiple children. I see a lot of FTMs ask fellow FTMs for advice, and it really gets them nowhere. The best advice will come from someone who has a young child or multiple young children (because it's still fresh in their memory) who has been through the issue you're facing.

4. Stop focusing SO MUCH on details that truly don't matter. Things like having everything ready for the nursery (unless you have a load of money, spending lots on a baby nursery is ridiculous as they'll outgrow the theme rather quickly as toddlers), purchasing every baby product out there (babies actually don't require much of anything...just a few necessities), making sure you have a well thought-out birth plan printed and handed out to every nurse and doctor involved (things very rarely go as planned anyways, trust me), or things like 'having all your ducks in a row' prior to the baby arriving. Something most FTM's don't realize is that the first 3 months of your new life with a baby is BORING. There really isn't much going on...the baby eats, sleeps, poops, and occasionally needs bathed (everyday bathing is entirely unnecessary as it dries the baby's skin out). You'll have much more time on your hands than you think. So if something doesn't get finished prior to the baby's arrival, I promise you'll be fine and have plenty of time afterwards. Don't stress about this so much!

5. Don't make up your mind about things prior to even experiencing them. Things like "my kid will never watch TV prior to age 2" or "oh I'll NEVER do _____" or "I'll never use formula for my baby". Just stop. It's ridiculous and will make you get eye rolls from those of us who have actually lived it. Plus, you can't predict the future and you'll have NO idea what your child will be like or the struggles you may face. Each human is unique and requires different forms of rearing. So deciding on a style of parenting before your child is even born is absurd. Instead, have a general idea for things you are OPEN to and things you are not so open to. Don't have any closed doors in your mind. And be open to the advice of those who have experienced child rearing.

6. Germs. As a former (well maybe not former exactly, but lessened) germaphobe, I can tell you that germs are a GOOD thing for kids. It doesn't mean throw them in with a bunch of sick kids (like those chicken pox lollipop parties from back in the day), but it doesn't mean you should keep them in the bubble of your home for forever. And stop washing the pacifier every time it touches something other than your child's mouth (within reason here folks, use common sense). There's no need to wash the baby toys every single day to rid your house of germs. Babies need to be exposed to germs to build their immune systems or else you'll have a very sick child once they finally go out into the world. Dirt is a good thing. Being around people is a good thing. I know doctors advise to keep your newborn home for a few weeks during sick season (like babies born in the winter), but as soon as the doctor gives you the go-ahead get OUT of the house!

7. Milestones. Every new parent pays very very very close attention to their baby's milestones. Every single one is huge to you; and rightfully so as you've grown this human and now get to witness miraculous parts of their growth. And you immediately want to tell the whole world because you think it matters to everyone. Truth is that it doesn't truly matter to anyone but you. Sure, share some big milestones because you're proud (I sure did), but keep in mind that the wording you choose to use in announcing it can be taken entirely the wrong way. It can be (and likely will be) taken as you saying your child is more intelligent or ahead than other kids. And even if they are ahead of the curve, how do you think it makes another parent feel when their child may be falling behind? Choose carefully how and what you share with the world in regards to this topic. There is nothing wrong with being proud, it's just all about how you go about it.

8. Judging other parents. We've ALL done this before. It's so cruel. Keep in mind that you have NO idea what that other parent has been through or what that child is like. Stop judging other parents and their decisions, and instead focus your energy on raising your own child.

9. Put your marriage FIRST. Your children should not come first; contrary to popular belief. Biblically speaking and morally speaking. Your kids are a priority, yes, but your marriage sets up their foundation and raising. Without your marriage/relationship your child would not even be here. So make sure to take the time out to keep your marriage/relationship strong! Your child's happiness depends upon yours and your spouse's happiness...regardless of what you want to believe. It took two people to create this child and it's going to take two to raise the child. Use teamwork :-)

10. Don't compare your child with another child. Just don't! It's silly. As stated above, each human is different and no two will be 100% alike. You'll save yourself a lot of headache and heartache if you just see each baby as an individual instead of making sure they're like another baby.